If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
Just a thought.. not mine.. but interesting!!!
Posted by emmasgorant
at 12:01 AM EDT
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Emma's GoRant
Wednesday, 16 September 2009
Mini Deep Thought #15
Monday, 14 September 2009
Mini Deep Thought #8
Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies" LOL.. I have done this.. but good reference to the 80s. Yes & a movie that stars a Corey from the 80s; but alas this is Corey Feldman, & not Corey Haim.. BUT Goonies.. how enjoyable. I remember my mom dropping me & my sister off at the theatre in Square One to watch this while she went shopping.. ahhhh.. loved growing up at Square One!. (this is a shopping mall in Mississauga, Ontario.. just in case I have someone reading this who isn't from around here).
Posted by emmasgorant
at 12:01 AM EDT
Sunday, 13 September 2009
Mini Deep Thought #9, 10,11,12, & 13
Ok, was getting tired of posting one a day..... You people are hard to entertain.
9) While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
- LOL.. I don’t have this game but I am sure my friend Alissa or her husband Dave would appreciate it. 10) MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. - True.. & it also needs to list all the street names.. or at least my GPS (whom I call Betty) needs to tell me to turn when the actual street is there, not when there is a curve in the road… soo confusing when you don’t know where you are going. Bad Betty.. 11) I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water. - Totally agree.. hello, do these people like being hit with COLD water… I certainly don’t.. 12) Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever. - OK, I don’t know who typed this but I wash them after 2 – 3 wears. Unless I spill on them which is OFTEN.. I swear I need to wear my bib / apron more often. This is not a joke, as my friends at work, I wear napkins tucked into my shirts at lunch & if I spill it will find that one centimeter that isn’t covered by a napkin. EVIL.. 13) I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
I am getting older.. I can’t remember the last time a day went by when I didn’t want to sneak off somewhere & take a mini nap!
Posted by emmasgorant
at 12:01 AM EDT
Updated: Monday, 31 August 2009 9:52 PM EDT
Saturday, 12 September 2009
Mini Deep Thought #7
I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent someone from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers! I totally agree. Fuck you ..... you little bastard who decided to speed up to over take me only to slow down & then drive like an 80 year old grandma..
Posted by emmasgorant
at 12:01 AM EDT
Mini Deep Thought #6
How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said? Ok, seriously.. this is soo me.. I swear I am deaf.. I know I have a 10% hearing loss in my right ear (or was it my left).... from too many sinus infections... but maybe it is cause I am like a cat when they see something shiney.. I get distracted easily. I sometimes just nod & say yes cause I feel too stupid to ask someone to repeat.. expecially if I can't understand them.... casue why bother... what are the odds they can understand me or that I can answer their question anyways.. or give them directions. I get lost in a shoe box!
Posted by emmasgorant
at 12:01 AM EDT
Wednesday, 9 September 2009
Mini Deep Thought #5 & #6
These 2 were small so I combined them. Didn't want you to feel ripped off for wasting a trip to my blog for one. :) Enjoy! 1) How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? 1) Agreed. I saw Martha do it on TV once, but I am sure she probably had 25 takes & a stand in to fold them properly, or they spliced in an ironed sheet before they showed her with the finished folded sheet. BITE ME Martha.. bet you got beat up in jail if you tried to teach them how to fold a sheet. 2) And clean up your Facebook account, hide any other stuff around that could make you look bad. That is all I could think of.. I am not that techie...
Posted by emmasgorant
at 12:01 AM EDT
Updated: Monday, 31 August 2009 9:32 PM EDT
Tuesday, 8 September 2009
Mini Deep Thought #4
Mood:  sillyI think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it. For me this was a few movies: 1) The Lost Boys - being a huge fan of Corey Haim (not Feldman who has turned religious) I LOVED this movie. I still do, but haven't watched it in probably 5 years. It is on VHS. I probably should purchase it in DVD.... I know the sound track inside & out. I watched everything that he was in. LOVED HIM.... so when the TV showed caem out last year "the TWO Coreys" I was soo excited as was my friend Courtenay whom back in the day would watch the "corey" movies with me while we sat around in our all in one flannel PJs eating complete crap (before the crap decided to stick to our thighs). Needless to say, after a few episodes of that show I no longer had a crush on him (yes I wrote him fan mail back in the day... never got a response).. :( 2) Clueless - Alicia Silverstone, Paul Rudd. What a good combo. Pretty blond with good hair & yummy Paul in the days before he was Pheobe's boyfriend on Friends. Again I have the sound track to this one & again could recite all the words. Am singing the theme song right now.. LOL.... wow I am a dork & proud of it! "Whatever" & "as if" 2 phrases from the movie that I swear I said well before Cher (Alicia's character). Ahh.. again another movie I own on VHS. I want to go watch it now.. but it is 9:30 & I wouldn't be able to stay awake. I am not 20 anymore :(
Posted by emmasgorant
at 12:01 AM EDT
Saturday, 5 September 2009
Mini Deep Thought # 3
Mood:  specialIs it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with? Yes!!!!! & I keep X-ing them, but then a few days later they show up again... annoying. I don't think I need to be friends with a distant friend's cousin.. can you turn this feature off?
Posted by emmasgorant
at 12:01 AM EDT
Thursday, 3 September 2009
Mini Deep Thought #2
Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
I have done this MANY a time. Heck I even have done it in Wal-mart or driving.. like people care that I am lost (once again).. & really at Wal-mart.. I am not too worried about how I look in there since at least I am not in my flannel PJs.
Posted by emmasgorant
at 12:01 AM EDT
Updated: Monday, 31 August 2009 9:16 PM EDT
Monday, 31 August 2009
Mini Deep Thought #1
Over the next few days I will be offering recycled "deep thoughts" or mini deep thoughts. They are not mine, but from a funny email I got with many in it.
I am remembering the "Deep Thoughts" from Saturday Night Live in & around 1991. I didn't fully understand them, but Phil (a guy I had ahugh high school crush on) liked SNL so I watched too. Ahh... crushes! Here is your first one;
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong
LOL - I have soo been there... you kinda what to go "D'Oh" like Homer Simpson, but then we would be dating ourselves back to the mid 90s when that was popular.
Posted by emmasgorant
at 9:12 PM EDT
Updated: Monday, 31 August 2009 9:17 PM EDT
Monday, 24 August 2009
How could she not LOL!!!
Mood:  d'ohNurses are not supposed to laugh...
"Of course I won't laugh," said the nurse. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."
"Okay then," said Fred, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'man thingy' the nurse had ever seen.
Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than a AAA battery.
Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling, then fell to the floor laughing.
Ten minutes later she was able to struggle to her feet and regain her composure.
"I am so sorry," she said. "I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?"
"It's swollen," Fred replied.
She ran out of the room
Posted by emmasgorant
at 2:58 PM EDT
Updated: Monday, 24 August 2009 2:59 PM EDT
Saturday, 8 August 2009
Toilets
Mood:  sharpSo I took Friday off & went with Grant to run errands & we went to a Proctor & Gamble warehouse sales in Pickering. It was huge & I got some great deals but we were there a long time not to mention that we had been out & about for several hours at this point. I knew it would be a while before we were home so I broke down & used there wash room. I was happy to find it was very clean, did not smell, had 2 ply toilet paper & the toilet actually flushed. There was a sign in the stall reminding people to flush & another one asking people to keep the wash room clean as it was nice of them to loan us the use of their wash rooms. I should have taken a photo of that sign cause it made me giggle. But I did take a snap of this sign. Good for them, but it is sad to say that I am sure many of their visitors didn't flush, put their garbage in the bin, let alone actually wash there hands Speaking of smelling clean, someone in the 4 seater in front of me is clearly farting cause there is a nasty stink that keeps wafting back here to my seat. UGhhhh!!!
Posted by emmasgorant
at 12:01 AM EDT
Friday, 7 August 2009
Drunk train riders.. or so I can assume
Mood:  incredulousLast week Thursday I worked late & got the 7:13pm train home. It was pretty busy. I guess others had also worked a bit late so they could take the Friday off to make the long weekend that extra day longer. I get to the top of the train & take the last empty set of 4 seats. This was my view on the floor. Now this was empty & it is a big bottle. Someone is gonna have a bit of a hangover if they drank this all to themselves... Sorry it is a bit fuzzy, but the train was moving!
Posted by emmasgorant
at 12:01 AM EDT
Updated: Thursday, 6 August 2009 9:47 AM EDT
Thursday, 6 August 2009
Forward this!!!!
Mood:  cheeky
CLICK the below link & enjoy! I don't feel pressure either.. & I don't forward half the shit that people send me!!!
Good one!!!!! Don’t worry, no one is going to yell, no scary “exorcist” face will pop up on the screen..
http://info.org.il/irrelevant/may02-smilepop-soapbox4.swf
Posted by emmasgorant
at 9:38 AM EDT
Updated: Thursday, 6 August 2009 9:50 AM EDT
Wednesday, 5 August 2009
Funny joke (thanks Barb)
Mood:  flirtyA woman arrived at a party and while scanning the guests spotted an 'Hello. My name is Carmen.' 'That's a beautiful name', he replied. 'Is it a family name?' 'No', she replied. Actually I gave it to myself. It represents the 'What's your name?' He answered, 'B.J. Titsengolf.'
Posted by emmasgorant
at 2:30 PM EDT
Thursday, 30 July 2009
Mobile phones
Mood:  on fireA few things about people & their mobiles
Who are they talking to at 7:35 in the morning while they walk in the GO train parking lot, down the centre of the lane, so that you can't drive past them?
They don't even realize that a car is behind them trying to get past. We (me & hubby) just curse them cause my husband won't honk at them. But if it was me driving, I would honk, first a lite tap, then if they don’t move a blast.. I want them to drop their phone & break it, or at minimum startle them just enough to piss them off, ‘cause seriously, why should I be the only one pissed off. Fucking annoying little shit heads.
But seriously they were driving while talking on their phone which is illegal, not to mention that on the news last night they were saying that more people die because they are text messaging while driving. And according to the reporter more people die now from texting & driving than from drinking & driving. Interesting.
One day I am gonna catch up to these idiots while walking up the GO train path to the train & ask them if they value their life & If so then why do they walk in the middle of the lane? Would they walk on the road & down the middle of it if not in a parking lot? & don't even get me started about the idiots who walk in the centre if the lane/rows in department store parking lots, or even better they let their children wander in the lanes while they yap on their mobiles. Ok clearly I could go on with this topic in so many directions but I will stop for now as I am sitting on my GO train & I want to read my book. I won't start bitching about the bitch who took my seat. I know I don't own it but we have a silent rule. (Or whatever it is called, I think it is an unwritten rule) that you as a regular commuter don't take another regular's seat. Even if your regular seat is taken. I gave her the evil "fuck you whore" stare but that was to her back since that is the direction she was sitting. I was very tempted to ask her to move her purse & sit right beside her just to piss her off & see her reaction. But I like my window seat so I couldn't be bothered.
But one day I tell you damn it, one day!!
Posted by emmasgorant
at 12:01 AM EDT
Updated: Wednesday, 29 July 2009 4:32 PM EDT
Saturday, 25 July 2009
Good one.. !!!
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.' And then the fight started... ****************************************** My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And then the fight started.... ****************************************** Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?" And then the fight started... ****************************************** I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!" So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?" And then the fight started...... ***************************************** My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a scale. And then the fight started... ****************************************** When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station. And then the fight started... ****************************************** After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.' And then the fight started... ****************************************** My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' And then the fight started... ****************************************** I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"" Nah, she can order for herself." And then the fight started... ****************************************** A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.' And then the fight started.....
Posted by emmasgorant
at 9:40 AM EDT
Friday, 24 July 2009
Die bitch, die.. I hate my neighbour
Mood:  loudBig time cow of a slob.... never home, leaves her kid at home (he is 5) with a "DJ" friend who I am also ready to kill, who is her "roommate" don't even get me started with the music he plays at full volume & it sucks!!! I can handle some hip hop, but not all day... & it sounds like crap as he is using crap "DJ" equipment from the 80s
She is driving me FUCKING bonkers... we have "pride of ownership" that means we keep our house looking neat & clean. Our lawn is a lush green, not littered with crap... or at least it wasn't until she moved in.
She & her kid, keep dropping wrappers & garbage out of her car with her comings & goings.. I saw 2 new ones this morning. & you KNOW they are going to end up on our lawn AGAIN.. just like the freezie wrapper I picked up last night & the several candy bar wrappers (she likes Mars) from a few days ago.
I swear she is lucky she is never home so I don't see her & slap her... agghhhh......
I bet she is moved out by December.... why the fuck buy a house if you are never gonna be home!
Posted by emmasgorant
at 12:01 AM EDT
Updated: Wednesday, 22 July 2009 9:38 AM EDT
Thursday, 23 July 2009
I HATE my new trailer trash neighbour!!!! DIE BEOTCH!!!!
Mood: loud
I want to go back to sleep I am soo tired, I need a nap, damn neighbour (the see you next tuesday or C.u.n.t as it was) comes in at all hours & constantly beeps her car horn, last Friday night it was at 2:30am, 5:30 am then 8:30 am. Where the F does she go? Then last night it was at 3:30.. Grant almost got out of bed to tell her off… I swear I am gonna go postal on that beotch.
Wow this is gonna be one long fucking day!!!!!!
Posted by emmasgorant
at 6:24 AM EDT
Updated: Wednesday, 22 July 2009 9:30 AM EDT
Wednesday, 22 July 2009
GO train ride home last night
Mood:  quizzicalOk so I am on the rush hour GO train home & it is packed but I was lucky enough to get a seat. There are people all standing around me as this is rush hour.
These are the times that I wish I didn't have auto flash on my camera cause there is a guy about 1.5 meters away in skin tight jeans & I can 100% tell that he tucks to his right.
If I took a picture the damn flash will go off & then it would be so obvious... Damn it!
Seriously this is distracting Oh My goodness. & the sad thing is he is not that bad looking, early 40s. I so wish I could take a photo to show you guys this!!!
That must hurt as the jeans look old school, like made back in the day before they added stretch to denim. OUCH dude. You are gonna loose some of your swimmers!!!
Posted by emmasgorant
at 9:20 AM EDT
Updated: Wednesday, 22 July 2009 9:20 AM EDT
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